FUCK

So..someone tell me something. ANYTHING. Honestly..I need to hear something that'll change my perspective about so many times. Yanno, so many people in this world have affected me, changed me, and hurt me..I always, ALWAYS try to be optimistic..and try to think how to this lesson and experience can HELP me, teach me, and how much stronger I can get. I never try to think about the pain that's wooshing around my body and mind. Oh man so many people..So many people I can name for the blame because of the salty water runnin' down my cheeks. I really wanna figure out what's going on with this life thing. "Life works in mysterious ways." "Life is like a box of chocolates." Oh man, I would love to know how this shit works. And I wanna know If I'm livin' it right ! I know I've fucked up so many times. So have you ! But see the thing is, how many people can say that you've owned up to it? That'd you've fuckin apologized and straight up admitted that you knew you fucked up? How many ? Not much. I have ran away from my problems and fear PLENTY OF TIMES. PLENTTYY. But, now I'm fuckin learning. And damn it fuckin' sucks. Ya gotta fuckin work hard for get what you want. And I'm one lazy piece of shit, lemme tell ya ! Man, I'll finish this later...I'm goin' out !

Run.

I hate how there's fuckin people in my life I wish weren't..and I hate that it was all my fault. There are times in the day when I just wanna run away from EVERYTHING and then comeback thinking that everything I was thinking in my gah'damn little head is gone. I have all this guilt and pressure on my shoulders as if I fucked up enough to wanna kill myself. But damn, it's not even like that..

"..Lemme say my part"

She feels like a completely different person.
Was once ranked so high, now she ain't even top 8.
She wants to fix things, but it's way too late.
I let you all down like I never thought I would.
We all know I'd fuckin go back if I could.
But this was obviously meant to happen, it's fate.
I ain't fuckin with that shit, I'm gonna try to create-
and build and fix my fuckin reputation again.
I never fuck up, I never do this shit.
I'm never the one to be disappointed in.
I'm just prayin' to God. Lord, forgive my sins.
You know my apology is gah-damn sincere.
You can tell by the fuckin' taste of my tears.
I never thought I'd lose your trust..
and cry and die, and try and try.
Stop with the bullshit, please don't lie.
Thanks to everyone who has my back..
But damn you're making my cry..
Tellin' me "everythings gonna be alright. it'll be okay."
This aint one of those fuckin' "rain, rain go aways."
So to those I still needa reach out to..
I recommend you take some time,
to understand me in this rhyme.
What else can I possibly fuckin' do?
I got on my fuckin' knees ! My apology's true.
Let's forget about that night for a sec.
..and remember a time when you were a wreck.
Who comforted you and gave a place to stay?
I never left your side, I guided your way..
You guys, I'm still that fuckin same girl.
Just that night..my mind was a whirl..
Everyone's gonna hear a millie diff. stories.
There's a five percent chance you'll hear the right one.
This guilt even considered my head and a gun.
How stupid is that?! What the fuck am I thinking!!?
Their words are affecting and I'm fuckin sinking.
I take the blame for the tears that run down your cheeks.
I'll even take blame for the scabs on my knees.
and the bruises on my stomach and arms and thighs..
I'm the only blame for making you cry.
I know all my fun had to come to an end.
But damn like this? I even lost my friends.
I'm amazed at how you people can see..
that today..I'm just simply not me.
I blame no one, though I should blame me..
I'm blaming that a, b, c, d...E.

Let's just say..shit's fuckin changed since my last blog.


And I don't know if I'm becoming sick in the head, but

I really hate you.