Fool me once, shame on you !
Fool me twice, shame on me !

What a fool, what a fool I was to even think I had the chance.
It's okay. Lesson learned, lesson burned.

You only deserve the best. :) And I hope the best is what you receive, you are too much of a great guy to be messed with.

"Something Special, Forever" :)


On a semi-brighter note..
I didn't think it would be you comforting me after last night..
Thanks. <3
My beautiful rainbow !

Ah. Don't mess with my head.

As much fun as it was, I kinda wish that it never happened.

No, no, no.

I will not allow myself to fall for you.

NO.

AYYYYYYYYY. SUP WITH THE WEATHER. Pinche..it doesn't even feel like fuckin christmas. >:O. Iss hot as fuck !

FUCK

So..someone tell me something. ANYTHING. Honestly..I need to hear something that'll change my perspective about so many times. Yanno, so many people in this world have affected me, changed me, and hurt me..I always, ALWAYS try to be optimistic..and try to think how to this lesson and experience can HELP me, teach me, and how much stronger I can get. I never try to think about the pain that's wooshing around my body and mind. Oh man so many people..So many people I can name for the blame because of the salty water runnin' down my cheeks. I really wanna figure out what's going on with this life thing. "Life works in mysterious ways." "Life is like a box of chocolates." Oh man, I would love to know how this shit works. And I wanna know If I'm livin' it right ! I know I've fucked up so many times. So have you ! But see the thing is, how many people can say that you've owned up to it? That'd you've fuckin apologized and straight up admitted that you knew you fucked up? How many ? Not much. I have ran away from my problems and fear PLENTY OF TIMES. PLENTTYY. But, now I'm fuckin learning. And damn it fuckin' sucks. Ya gotta fuckin work hard for get what you want. And I'm one lazy piece of shit, lemme tell ya ! Man, I'll finish this later...I'm goin' out !

Run.

I hate how there's fuckin people in my life I wish weren't..and I hate that it was all my fault. There are times in the day when I just wanna run away from EVERYTHING and then comeback thinking that everything I was thinking in my gah'damn little head is gone. I have all this guilt and pressure on my shoulders as if I fucked up enough to wanna kill myself. But damn, it's not even like that..

"..Lemme say my part"

She feels like a completely different person.
Was once ranked so high, now she ain't even top 8.
She wants to fix things, but it's way too late.
I let you all down like I never thought I would.
We all know I'd fuckin go back if I could.
But this was obviously meant to happen, it's fate.
I ain't fuckin with that shit, I'm gonna try to create-
and build and fix my fuckin reputation again.
I never fuck up, I never do this shit.
I'm never the one to be disappointed in.
I'm just prayin' to God. Lord, forgive my sins.
You know my apology is gah-damn sincere.
You can tell by the fuckin' taste of my tears.
I never thought I'd lose your trust..
and cry and die, and try and try.
Stop with the bullshit, please don't lie.
Thanks to everyone who has my back..
But damn you're making my cry..
Tellin' me "everythings gonna be alright. it'll be okay."
This aint one of those fuckin' "rain, rain go aways."
So to those I still needa reach out to..
I recommend you take some time,
to understand me in this rhyme.
What else can I possibly fuckin' do?
I got on my fuckin' knees ! My apology's true.
Let's forget about that night for a sec.
..and remember a time when you were a wreck.
Who comforted you and gave a place to stay?
I never left your side, I guided your way..
You guys, I'm still that fuckin same girl.
Just that night..my mind was a whirl..
Everyone's gonna hear a millie diff. stories.
There's a five percent chance you'll hear the right one.
This guilt even considered my head and a gun.
How stupid is that?! What the fuck am I thinking!!?
Their words are affecting and I'm fuckin sinking.
I take the blame for the tears that run down your cheeks.
I'll even take blame for the scabs on my knees.
and the bruises on my stomach and arms and thighs..
I'm the only blame for making you cry.
I know all my fun had to come to an end.
But damn like this? I even lost my friends.
I'm amazed at how you people can see..
that today..I'm just simply not me.
I blame no one, though I should blame me..
I'm blaming that a, b, c, d...E.

Let's just say..shit's fuckin changed since my last blog.


And I don't know if I'm becoming sick in the head, but

I really hate you.

Rebellin'

Man this single life..man I love itt. I'm understand why people are always saying "you're too young to be in love." I'm just at the age where all I wanna do is party, have fun, and fuck my regrets. I'm not letting anyone affect me in a hurtful way. I've met so many new people and learn so many new things since summer.

Ugh, I don't think I can even explain how much I'm loving my life right now..with Walnut and Ayala homecoming, parties, new homies, universal horror nights, knotts scary farm, my good grades, and chillback ass nights..Everything is greaatttt. C'mon halloweeennn ! Show me what you got ! I'm gonna end this month with a bang. :)

On a more advanced note..

So lately, I've been doing things..I never thought I would do. I noticed I'm a completely different person than before the summer started. My actions really do depend on the people around me. I've been saying things..I never thought I would admit to. Sometimes..I really just wonder if what I'm doing is correct..But then again..I think about it once more..and I'm thinkin..this is a good experience for me. My lips are shut tight, but my heart is yelling at me ! Guilt and lust and trust and bust. and what's a girl to do in a situation like that? Fuckin rule it and live it up is what I really wanna do. But is that what I'm gonna want in the future? ..I guess we'll just have to wait and see..

I had a great weekend..
Universal Friday
Walnut Homecoming saturday..
Talk about time of my life.

<333333333


THIS WEEKEND?
EH?
And I think I'm going to scion night at knotts tomorrow ! SUP ! :)

Ayeeeeeeeee. I spent like all my weekend with Nicky, Robbie, & Jon. Hah.
I love CHB. :)

Anyway, It was rowena's birthday weekend <3. Jaz slept over on friday, Row came over early. And we chinchilleddddddddd.

Im lazy. Just know I had a pretty dope weekend.

Universal and Walnut's Homecoming this weekend !

Weekend Review 2

Another weekend gone by..
I met a lot of new faces yesterday. Mainly boys...Haha.
Hope you had a good birthday, Carissa ! :)

In a nutshell..
Friday ; Rally, Ditched 7th, Ayala, Rowena's house, Nogales, Bus, Puente, Todai, 204 dollars, Movies, Bust Kickback, Home.

Saturday; Valerie & Belle's hair for homecoming; Robbie, Jon & Nickey picked me up, Jogurt (sp?), Carissas, Ratio of 3girls;20 boys, food fight car ride, jack in the box, bust party, whore bullshit, rowena's house, hookah, dennys, my house.
Robbie, Jon, Nickey, & Josh didn't leave until like 2:30.
And I woke up at 3:30 today ! Ahhh, felt gooood.

I had fun. MMMMMMHMMM !

Home-came.

Homecoming is over & It was the best dance I've been to yet. :) My whole weekend starting from Thursday the 25. It was dope. Thursday I went to Montclair mall with Jeremy, Row, & Lino. We got the guys they're shit for homecoming because they're laggers ! But it was funnn. :) Then Friday. I went to Ayala to go home with Rowena hoeee ! Then I practiced on rowenas hair. Turned out okay. But not the best. & I burned her..Whoops :) Then we went to harvest. It was okay..when we first got there because everyone was there. Chelsea surprised me and Karen :) I wuv her. I saw a bunch of faces I haven't seen in a while. That was the only fun part. Day went by really quick. Left rowena's house around 1.

The morning of homecoming. Jessica came around 7. I showered. We went to Row's. Ate breakfast and started getting ready with everyone. Camille, Jazmyn, Casey, Veronica, & Karen came. Then Me and Jessica went to my house. Jess slept while my sister did my make up. Then we went back to row's. The boys were there. We were just hanging out and Robbie was laggin' it. :( So everyone left without out. Eventually Robbie came and we rolled up in a interesting van. HAHAHAHA. Ah. embarrassing. Anyway. We took our pictures. and took pictures outside. Blah blah all that good stuff. Then we went to max's. My group's ride was coming already but they haven't ordered yet so we just ate upstairs in the foodcourt. And others came tooo. Then we went for the dance and from there it was doooooope.
I noticed the DJ's are really into techno right now..BUT YA. Me and Rowena were the only ones to get fuckin marked. Stupid whores. OKAYYYYY. IT WAS FUN AND HOT. I LOVED IT.

Then the kickback. I was going home early, so I didn't wanna get drunk. Just tipsy. 'Twas fun. Rowena and Jessica slept over. We slept around 4. Cos our fatasses ate spam when we got home. Yum. My make-up lasted until morning ! Thanks sister !

Coming to my senses.

Last night..I built up the courage to not only admit to myself that I was wrong, but to fix things with the people I was wrong with. It took me a while to admit I was making incorrect decisions, but that's only because I was so angry and jealous inside that I let it get the worst of me. I owned up to my actions and all is finally better.

Hopefully the rumors and bs will quit.. I happen to be taking all the fault for it, because you're my best friend. I don't know why I'm dealing with it for you, but I am. I'm hoping you'll learn. Please tell me you'll learn. I came to my senses, you should come to yours.

Through all this drama and bullshit, I learned that..when you're at fault, you need to find the courage in yourself to deal with the consequences. I'm not gonna rely on lies to fix or save anything. I know that only thing that is going to fix everything is my apology.

Hopefully, the same will happen to you.

Weekend Review

Ahh.. My weekend. Pretty goood. I'm late. It's tuesday, whoops ! Well let's take it back to friday.
FRIDAY. My original plans were to go to longs dinner after school and hang out with Rowena and Gege. Buuut... Ya. My allergies had to kill everything. :( I didn't even go to school. :( But ya. I finally started to clear up on saturday. So I accompanied Rowena in dress shopping for homecoming. :) Jeremy and Chris came too ! We went to the mills and walked around that whole thang. -_-; Fackin' huge. Anyway. Ya. She finally found a keeper. 'Twas cute. Afterwards we went to In-N-Out and I saw my Russellbooboo. He got me an application for In-N-Out. Wooo. :) Hmm, then..We went to Row's house. We didn't think we were gonna go out cos we were both tired but then Kalaw called and reminded us of St. Chris. Long picked us up and we went. And then we hung out there..and were SUPPOSED to go to a party..but it was a bust. So we hung out at Tap until like forever. 'Twas Josh, Rene, Row, Brenda, Shannon, Revin, Mariel, Long, & I and I had a good time. Row ended up sleeping over and we didn't sleep until like 4:30. Rebels. I wuv her. We missed Gel.

SUNDAY. My lazy ass didn't go to church >:|. Stupid me.

Monday..went by soo quickly ! Late start and uhh...after school I went to Ayala to drop off my guest pass. So much stupid drama. I swear. Can you guys save it for after homecoming? It's retarded. Afterwards..Ellison and Karen picked me up and we went to Jessica's to have a hookah session. And Jessalyn was there too ! :) It was chill. I had fun. Then In-N-Out and home. I swear In-N-Out is gonna be the reason I die.

Thanks For The Memories.

It amazes me, that at one point..
you were the person who meant the most to me in this world.
You were the only person I told everything to.
You were the person I would of did anything for.
You were the person on my mind, all the time.
You were the person who knew me more than I knew myself.
You were the person I loved the most.

& then now.. all of a sudden..
You're the a person I don't want in my life anymore.
You're a person I can't tell anything anymore.
You're a person I'd quit on.
You're a person who's only on my mind when I'm annoyed.
You're a person who doesn't know me at all.
You're a person I hate the most.


I never thought it would turn out like this. I never thought YOU would be the person I want to have nothing to do with. But here I am, erasing you from my life..

Allergy :(

WEHH... I woulda had a really good day yesterday if I didn't eat that chipotle :( I found out ..I'm allergic to black beans ! Hahaha. :( Well, at least that's what I think it is..I'm not sure. WEH. Okay..So I ended up getting hives alll over my body..my legs, my arms, my stomach, my back, my hands, my feet, and now my face is puffy and i have a sty :( UGHHHHHHHH. I'm so cute, guys. Hahahaahaha.

OKAY..but on a brighter note..I went to Ayala to hang out with all those cool cats again. I swear I'm meant to be there. Haha. I actually went and talked to one of the counslers and asked for info on a transfer..but I'm still on the waiting list :( I'm number 8. So some of you bitches needa bounceeeeee ! So I can git in. Haha. Well ya. We hung out for that rally night thang. And Josh, Irwin, Rene, Stephan, and all them came. I saw some pretty faces. :) Okay. I'm done. I don't feel like blogging. My hands are itchy...okay Bye !

Excited? Exciting

Wow. It's Thursday already ! Crazy. Well, Let's recap the week a little bit..Jeremy asked me to homecoming on Monday ! In such a cute way too. Thanks again Jeremy. :) You're a sweeeeeetie ! You guys will see it up YouTube soon. Gel and Row were smart enough to know to record it. Hahaha. But ya. I was very surprised..and I really didn't expect it..

Tuesday, Me and Val went to Angelica and Camille's house. We hung out..and did the normal thing. I had my first live webcam show ! :) It was pretty cool. a good amount of 50 viewers..but that was cos we were only on for 15 mins. :( Sorry ! Again soon, I promise ! That day was fun.

And Yesterday, Wednesday. I was supposed to go to Gel's house AGAIN because I had to pick up the guest pass from Jeremy. But changed plans ! I ended up just going to ayala and hanging out for a bit. I saw Long and Karen :) I wuv them. I think Ayala is sick of my visits. Haha But I'm going over there again today..Because I needa get that guest pass. OKKKKKKKAAAAAY. :) Bye.

Btw, I'm excited for homecoming !

Lesson Of The Day

"Never make someone a priority when they only consider you an option."

I'm never one to get in the way of someones happiness.
If you're flustered, let me know &
I'll make it easier for you by stepping out of your way.


Anyway ! Yesterday (Friday). Long picked me up from school then we picked up Jaz and Jess at ayala. I got to see Gege, Row, Jeremy, Tristan, & all those other cool cats. THEN..we went to long's pad. Hung out for a bit and then went to Patrick's house to pick something up. After thaat. We went back to Long's and he had to go to a dinner so he left me, Jaz, Jess, & Karen at his house. Haha. freakin' a. So we messed up his room :) It looked cute. OKAY. Thenn Ellison picked up us for and we went to Pomona for AEF's preformance. And Kyle asked Karen to homecoming in the cutest way. I think I was more excited than Karen. Theeeeeen we went back to Long's. Everyone came by then. Shannon, Presley, Aaron, Irwin, Kevin, Rene, Marvin, Brenda, Blah blah blah. We fit three girls and three guys in the back of a freakin civic hatch. We're amazing. :) ANYWAY. Cops came..for no reason at all. I hate cops.They fuckin scare the shit out of me. We all hung out and did what we normally do...OKAY BYE ! I love my friends. <3

Say My Name, Say My Name

Listen, today makes it a year
Don't you think it's time that you made it clear.
You gotta get on your biz.
Tell me what it ain't or what it is.
I can handle it.
I've had it up to here.
I don't wanna pressure you, dear.
I've sent back to back dudes
Away from my door.
Thinking I was spoken for..
Not anymore..

And I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired
Of being your unofficial girl
Unofficial girl
And I'm tired
I'm tired of trying
I'm still your unofficial girl
You gotta love me in the light and the dark
You gotta give me, give me
All of your heart
I wanna be your official girl
Said I wanna wanna wanna be your
Official girl
I wanna be your official girl
I wanna be your official girl
Official girl

If you keep this up
There's bound to be a mess
I ain't really like the rest
Put to the test
I could surely pass
You better do the math
I'm so stylish
So bossy
It'd be a shame to say you lost me
But if you want that
It's a wrap
And I won't look back

I miss you girl
I miss you girl
I'ma make you my official girl..

You make me dream of a place I can take you to..

I'm very amazed at what you do to make me think of you like this. Keep it up, boo.

Cos as of right now my attention has your name all over it.

The woman I love most

Happy birthday Mommy. I love you soooooooooooo much :)
& Miss you even more.

My Weekend Review

He was the highlight of my weekend.Hello my loves.

It is Sunday..2:38 in the morning ! I can't sleep. :( EHHHHHHHH. Today..or should I say yesterday I went out to lunch with Ellison. Then we picked up Karen and saw Jessicaa. Hookah sessh. 'Twas chill. My poor baby (hookah) needs a new bowl. :( The new one I got isn't all that jazzy. Lots of thanks to Ellison, btw. Love you dawg. Mmmkay sooo..

Yesterday. I had a very long and quick daaaay. Right after school. I got dropped off at Walnut High to meet up with Chelsea & Alanna. I got to see Karlo and Pauline and Joel and Mariel and Janelle and etc. ! :) Made me happies. We hung out there for a bitt. Then headed off to Karen's to pick her and Brendabear up. & then finally went to americana. :) We got there, met up with Fillipe and walked to galleria to chill & I had to buy new compact. Hah. Anyway, YAAAAA. Then we ate at In-N-Out, and Nicky came and they had a jam session (somewhat.) Heh. Afterwards..MarketPlace & ..hung out..on the sidewalk. Haha. More and more people kept showing up.. Even that one foo from Jabbawockeezzz. If I think I'm right..his name is Chris or somethang. According to what my sister said, cass she knows him. Okay anyway ! More and more people came. Hah. From that point. Mikey and I did our own thang and went to pinkberry...and around americana to what felt like 5 times. Haha. Then around the mall..Just killing time, talking about almost everything. He's a definite cutie. :) Then our walk slowly came to an end because he had to leave ! But all ended well. I met up with the girls again and they were still jam sessioning. Haha. Pictures, vids, and more pictures ! We left around 9 or somethang.

Thenn...Jeremy, being the sweetheart he is picked me up for the kickback at chino hills. It was all pretty chill meeting all those cool cats. But my bowl broke...EHHHHHHH. I had fun. Thanks to Mondo for the ride home dawggggg ! :)

That was my weekend so far.
Tomorrow I will be with my family. :)

Pretty good first weekend from being ungrounded ! :)

First Day..Again.

Yes ! It was finally the first day of school again. And damn I was hella unprepared. Hah. I didn't even go school shoppin'. So I didn't have a binder or paper. First of all..I didn't even sleep. ACTUALLY..I fell asleep at like 11, then I woke up at 2..then I couldn't sleep after that. :( Mikey's fault. He kept me up. Haha. Just kidding. He was trying to get me to sleep. But I'm stubborn. :) Okay anywayy. So he kept me up until 5. It would of been later, but his phone died. When we hung up..I took a shower and started getting ready for schoo. I didn't realize how long I take.. o,o. Anyway, YAAAA. So I left my house at around..6:40 & went to Val's.

First period..can't believe it. Spanish 3 Honors. I fuckin got the same room, same teacher, same subject(except higher level), same period as last year. And what a fuckin coincidence..I'm sitting in the EXACT same spot as last year. I hella thought I was done with that teacher. He's so annoying. >:| He has amazingly lame jokes. It's pretty cool though because Tyler is in there with me and we had that period together last year. & I have Russell, Felipe, Kellie, & Alex too. :) Weee...Second period..SO BORING. I hate it. Stupid 3-D design. I'm soo out of there. >:| Third period..Chemistry. I have it with Kalie. :) I love her. I'm satisfied. I know it's gonna be a lot of work, but EH ! I'll deal. My fourth, english..eh..It's really really cold in that class. & He's new to the school..but he seems nice ! My 6th period history teacher is kinda weird..He talks all hillybilly. Heh. I don't think he's gonna like me. I have him after lunch..Soooo..I'm always gonna be late. Algebra 2 ! Hampton! It was his birthday. He looks like he's freakin 20. I was the only one to say happy birthday to him. I was trying to be nice. I think it was amazing luck that I got that class with my Anthony. I missed that kid. 'Twas my favorite freshman, now my favorite sophomore. Loooooooooveeeeeeeeeeeeee. After school Val and I ate at what's it called..Ranch burger. Pigged out. EHHHHH GOTTA LOSE IT.

Btw, poor me. I haven't slept yet.. :( Okay..It's really hot. Love !

famILY

So yesterdaay. I'm happy because I got to leave the house. I went out with a few of my cousins; Ate Kat, Kuya Pan, Jesse, Emcee & my sister, Ate Ilene. It was chill esp. because I didn't know I was going out. :) I thought I was gonna have another boring Friday. :( But ya. We went to my Kuya JP's house because he's going to Iraq. :( So it was kinda a going-away kickback and the fact we haven't seen him in forever ! So we headed over to Glendale squished in a car. -_-; I didn't think we were gonna stay as long as we did, but it was chill. Once we got there, aunties screaming to eat, just like everything typical filipino family. Then everyone started drinking, ahhh, that's where the fun began. Haha. Playing darts for drinks and all that good stuff. But Jesse, Emcee, & I were just watching movies cos we were tired. Can you blame us? It was about 3 in the morning. And Plus, I felt bad for Emcee cos her ego is pregoo ! Haha. :) We ended up not leaving my cousins until about 4:45 in the morning. We had a nice long talk about how our family has been and all that. So we got home at like...5:15, but we didn't go inside until 6:30. I swear we talk so much. But I love my family.. I really do, I consider myself so damn blessed to have such an amazing blessing like all those peoople in my life that I consider family. Last night, I was reminded of all the amazing things my family can bring.

This summer has taught me so much and made me realize even more than I wanted or expected. I came into this summer expecting a damn hell of a good time, I not only recieved that. I got so much more. I spent so much time with my family this summer. & let's be honest, you all know.."Fuck ya ! Summer's coming ! Time to party !" You're mostly only talking about your friends. I don't see my cousins or family a lot, so I'll tell ya, that's what I was thinking. I think it's time I was knocked some sense into. I love my cousins and sisters. Very much. :)

Hello Blogspot !

Soo..I decided to make one of these things. I used to blog a LOT with my xanga..Actually, why did I even make this. I shoulda just continued with that. OKAY whatever ! Hella Blogspot, :) I will be blogging as much as I possibly can. Not only to give you guys a heads up but also just to jog my memory and..sometimes use it as a venting tool. Hah.

Anyways, school starts in four days ! Yes ! Yes ! Excited I am, not that school is starting but mainly because I'm grounded until summer ends. Haha. I've been technically grounded since..end of june. But with some wrong and incorrect decisions made AND made up for, I stayed in Vegas for a month to get away from things. I broke rules over there. but again cleared 'em up. All's well that end's well ! Is that the saying? I don't even get it, but I'm probably not saying it right. Anyway, ya. Vegas was a full rollercoaster with shit going on everyday for me. I mainly hung out with Kevin and Ty. 'Twas fun, but I'll admit if I was able to come back home..I probably would of taken it, because nothing can compare to my babies I have in California. I made a few friends in vegas, and hopefully touched a few hearts. I spent a lot of time with Allie. Thank God cos I missed the bitch, and we had a lot of catching up to do. Also with my other cousin VJ, my baby cousin who happens to be hella pimpin' now and is all grown up. :( I love you, babycous. & oh silly me, The main reason I went to Vegas in the first place was for a Family Reunion. And DAMN, that shit was down as fcuk. I love my family. Rollin' around in same styled shirt but different colors. Hahahaha. We had a bowling tournament and I hella sucked, yet I won a trophy. I didn't deserve it. So I left it at Allie's. Haha. We played family feud and my cousins band played and we overrall had a good time with a bit of regular family drama. :) But ya, my vacation in Vegas has left a definite imprint on my life. & I will be visiting soon, promise.

Also, I just wanna say I love my sisters. Okay, I think I'm going to a family party tonight. Bye lovelies !