Haha.

Some people I swear...I honestly don't remember the last time I had time for that bullshit.

This BlueRose drama is fuckin hilarious. I can't believe what it's evolved too. Now her moma's in on this? &dang, moma's calling ME a bitch? She's pretty down, man. I really hope she shows up friday because I'm excited to see her. Haven't seen her in forever. I miss her <33.

Anyway, today was whatevs. Practice got cancelled at last minute. -_-; Uhhhhhhhh, just chilled. Normal shit. I wuv Marley.

I'm super tired right now and I really wanna take a nap but it's too late and I'll wake up around 9. :( Poooooo. I had a pretty good weekend ! Friday with the fam, Saturday with the homies, & Sunday, LA. I've been in LA way too much this month, real talk. &I'm going back there on friday. MMM friday. :) I'm hoping for a good day. Saturday knotts..hmmmmmm, idk. But Jaz and I are cravin' to drop ! Haha.

Okay, the microwave rang, my pizza's ready. :)

Writing A Love Song

Because...I am so proud of myself. I finally built up that courage to let go. & honestly I feel so much better. We both knew the situation we were in wasn't right. Someone had to realize the right thing. Again, I'm so proud..But please don't forget I'm still here, baby.. please don't.

&I'm singing this song to you;

Head underwater and they tell me
To breathe easy for a while
Breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me;
It's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one,
You see

I'm not gonna write you
A love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to
Stay
If all you have is leavin',
I'ma need a better reason
To write you
A love song
Today
Today, Yeah

I learned the hard way
That they all say
Things you want to hear

My heavy heart sinks deep down under
You and your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry

Convince me to please you
Make me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one,
You see

I'm not gonna write you
A love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to
Stay
If all you have is leavin',
I'ma need a better reason
To write you
A love song
Today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see
With daylight, my guide, gone
'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
Or you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you
To stay

If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to write you
A love song
Today

Just really quick..

Haven't updated in a while, it's cos I've been a busy girl. Lemme tell you about my weekend.
Valentine's day weekend/Friday the 13th kinda thang.

On friday, Long and Karen picked me up and we went to LA, but pooop dwamma. chilled and went back to Baldwin Park, then uhh...IN-N-OUT, dollar tree. Chill, debut shit Take Karen home, went home. Good day. Pretty chill.

Saturday..UHHHHHHHHHHHH..ANNOYING LAGGERS. Just kidding. :) Triple date with Shannon & Jaz, Irwin & Angel, & Matt & I. Banana Bay, yummy thai foooooood. :) My fav. But then agian everythings my fav. HAH, Uhhh..Cue afterwards. Then Saw Josh, Viv, Eunice, Marv, Ryan, Matt & all those cool kids. COS WE WOULD BUMP INTO THEM. Freakin West Covina. Anyway ! Uhhhhh...I had a good valentines day. Pretty chill pretty chill. Had to get home early tho. ;/ Me and Jaz, I mean. We're gay. Yes.

Sunday..church, then debut practice, then..uhhhhh, chill. pressure to drink, but didn't cave. :) Practice ended early, went to IN-N-OUT to chill with other kids. Didn't really even eat and had drama of course cops had to be in my damn weekend. -_-; Uhhh, afterwards we went to Adrian's house to chill. About..15 heads? pretty fun, but again had to be home early. :( got home around 12:30. KO'ed !

MONDAY. LA AGAIN. :) With Long, Mary, & Karen. Santee ALLEYYY. LOVEEEEEEEEE IT. Got everything I wanted, except for a freakin case for my phone. But yea, really productive, except for the fact We got tickets for JAY-walking. and not even purposely. -_-; Embarrasssing. OKAY I'm done.

Sorry if I didnt go into detail. I'm lazy and wanna eat already, hahaha. I had a really great weekend tho. & Today I just chillleddd. :)

I think I'll blog after I eat..I have a lot to vent about.

Review.

Hi followers & new visitors!

I haven't blogged since Monday ! & It's Thursday. Only means I've been a busy girl. Monday didn't do much..right? Ya I don't know..Haha. Tuesday went by really quickkk and I had to find a ride home. :( I went to Valeries house with Dino Locc too. We make spam masubi ! YUM YUM. Afterwards, chinchilled and went home. Good day with a interesting end, didn't except your call.

ANYWAY. Yesterday, Wednesday, School was a bore..I got kicked out of Swager's class. Faggot. >:O Uhhhhhh. Nothing interesting. After schoool, Long picked me up and we went to Mary's for debut practice. It wasn't even debut practice >:O. Haha, cos everyone was lazy. And no one wanted to help me finish the dance :( Poops. But yea, I guess it was pretty productive. Uhhhhhhhhhhh.. What else. So yea, chilled with Eman, Robert, Reianne, Patrick, Mary & Longgg & other cool cats. Got home around 9. I had a good day. Technically my weekend never ended. I was SUPPOSED to hang out with Mary & Long and Karen today but Long's car is being a gay piece of shit that it is. Uhhhhhhhhh....OKAY. It was so much more fun that I'm explaining it to be I swear, I'm just so lazy to write. Haha. I hid my shit ! WOO. You don't knwo what I'm talking about, DOESN'T MATTER.

UH, today...good day. School, same shit, balhblahblah..TOMORROW. A lot of you gays don't have school. :( But I do & we're getting fitted for dresses tomorrow. Darn, I'm gonna be late, but I'll be there! afterwards...kick it for Marvins birthday? Kickback with chino kids ? Man, IDKKK. We'll see whatever happens happens..Saturday..is valentines day. WTF? Hell nah. DEUCE.

Happy Birthday, Baby

Oh babygirl, You're are so big now. I can't believe you're already 9 years old. You're growing up so beautiful and so well raised. I know there's so much you wish you could have, and I'm so sorry we're not able to give that to you. Because you deserve nothing but the best. I apologize for not being the best sister you expect me to be. Sometimes I lose track of everything going on and forget about the time. But you know I love you so much, you know I'd do anything for you. I'm sorry your daddy isn't always there for you. He loves you so much you know that. It was hard for him to come back after so long and make up for the bullshit he's done to you. But you know he's made up for it. Trying his absolute best to give you everything you want. Honey, you're amazingly blessed right now, though you make think you are not. You have so much that me and your Ate Ilene didn't have. & both of us want to thank you for keeping moma company. I'm sorry if she leaves you for days with grandma, you know how she is and she just has things she apparently "needs" to do. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. You don't deserve any of this. Half the things you've been through I didn't experience until I was 13. But look at you, you're so strong. So smart, and you're only 9 years old. You don't understand how proud of you I am. It makes me so happy to know your grades are well, and you're not doing dumb things because of your retarded little friends. Baby just keep your head up, you still have so much to learn in this world, you have no idea. I'll visit you in Vegas sometime soon okay? I love you, so much. <3

Weekend Over.

I love my sister<3


Supposed to be a girls picture!


Hahaha, we swearrrrrr !


OH YANNNO. THAS MAH GIRL ! Hahah !

I have a lot on my mind, let's see if i can remember everything I wanna speak about..

So let's start off with reviewing my weekend, yea? Friday me and Jaz deciding again not to go out. Cos one we were tired and two, we were lazy. Haha. So Saturday. I woke up early ! I don't know why. But around 9 or 10 .. then took a nap around 1 before I had to get ready. I helped my sister get the house ready for the party and then we both got ready for my cousin's baby shower. We left around 5. When we wanted to leave at 2. Haha. Whoops. Then yea, got there and spent time with my cousins, Jessica, & Jessalyn. I invited CJ, Dro, Justin, & SOME WHITE GUY :), Hahaha. to my house to kick it after. We played babygames and all that. Then sister had to jam and I was gonna stay, but I wanted to see my gay rowenaface. :) So I got home around ..7? Something like that. Rowena came over and we had a lot of catching up to do ! And she's freakin gay and she had to leave at 10 :(((( So sadd. :/ CJ, Dro, Justin, Michael, & Jessica came so early. We were all kickin it, played ten fingers, they took their shots, & drank their drankss. Haha. Then other kids showed up around 12. & the corona faces had to leave. :( Hmmm, then when everyone else came, the party really got started. We set up the hookah and took our dranks. I don't think I've heard "OMG, You're so big now chelsea ! I remember when you were like 10 years old !" Haha. But it was interesting talking to some of my sisters friends. Afterwards..Some people just got TOOO FUCKED UP. Haha. *cough, Janelle and Shannon. haha. But shannon was able to sober up. Idk about Janelle and her throw up. THAT I HAD TO CLEAN. :( Hahaha. But it's all good, I've been there before. Long and Shannon did some bonding with my cousins. Besides ALL the drama, I seriously haven't had that much fun ina while. :) I love all you guys who came ! And I hope you had fun. :) Again, fsho fshoo. <3>

& can ya guys tell me why so many of you have school! ? I don't get it ! :((( I wanted to chill today ! But everyone has escuela. POOPS.

Oh & because of the drama that went down on saturday. I wasn't able to go to Mary's debut practice :/ But it's okayy. Cos my partner didn't go either. Haha. :) I'm just gonna hang out with Mary on Tuesday and catch up for the practices that are on Wed, Thus, & Sunday. Anywho. When everyone left my house. It was around 6 o'clock. You would think I woulda passed out right when everyone left, but idk why I couldn't! I think I had so much guilt on my shoulder for making my sister mad on her birthday, So I stayed up and cleaned the whole house. It literally looked like we never had a party. I mopped the floor cos of everyones wet footsteps in my rain. I picked up all the cigarette butts all over the place, did the dishes, wiped down the counters, put away the extra food, and my favorite. Cleaned up throw up. HAHAH. -_-; Nah it's all good. Everythings clean and what's done is done. I slept around 8 and knocked the fuck out ! Alright, I guess that's allll. LATAAAAAAAA.

Oh, one more thing ! Laker talk. I'm not too happy about losing Radmonovic because he was a good player. But I guess it's cool that we got Adam Morrison & Shannon Brown? I don't know much about 'em so I'm excited to learn, Welcome to the Lakers, you two ! & Radmonovic, we'll miss ya ! Hah. Anywho ! I think we're doing really really well. We beat the two teams we worried about the most. Broke the Celtics record AGAIN, and beat the Cavs record for never losing a home nigga. And we did alla that WITHOUT Bynum. :) Yes ! I just hope he'll be back before finals. :/ Kobe didn't really play much in the game against the Cavs, cos poor baby was sickies. Luckily Gasol and Odom were hot, so it's all gravy. BTW, GAME AGAINST THE CELTICS. My favorite game of the damn season, real talk ! That game was intense, especially with O.T.. Once KG got fouled out, I knew we had this. SUCKAH. I love lakers forever. <3 NUMBER ONE. LAKERS FTW

Damage is Done

I think I've done enough. I'm sure I've said enough. I don't know why I thought about trying so hard, thinking so hard, and putting in so much effort that in the end it all resulted in nothing but pure pain and disappointment. Don't get me wrong, you made me heart smile, but this whole time.. I had this big five letter word that I confused with that eight letter phrase. Well, what's done is done and all we can do now is fix it. Well, I'm gonna try to fix it. I don't know much about you. HONESTLY, I don't know how you can do it. I mean, I know I'm at fault too but damn..eh, whatever. Shit happens right? I fell for your bullshit and pretty much..I let you take complete control of who handles my heart. Even if you had no say in it, even if you didn't have to tell me anything. I knew what woulda made you happy, so I listened. Haha, Fuck me ! I'm so dunzo with this. It's funny because ..I remember telling myself a long long time ago, I would never let myself fall in love with you, because I saw girls crumble and crack after what you've done to them. But look at me ! I'm falling into that same trap..In a sense, my case is much much different. Actually, honestly, I know for a fact, when that time comes, we'll happen again. But besides dumb shit like that. I'm done with the sweet talkin', the nicknames, and acting like a give a fuck ? Nope. Not anymore, babyyyy ! I finally came to realize what everyone wanted me to realize, what everyone WANTED to tell me, but wanted me to figure out on my own. And it's that..I'm no rebound, &I shouldn't be giving you everything every boy ever wanted. Sorry, I took so long to come to my senses..but I'm here now. I hope you enjoyed this while it lasted. I'm not gonna drown anymore because I learned I can swim myself up to the top all on my own. For some reason, I don't know why I let you push me down for SO long, but I'm here, taking my first breath. I'm so proud of myself and yet so fuckin scared ..But what can I say, I accept every challenge.

Maybe one day we'll end up talking again,
maybe one day we'll go back to being just friends.
I loved you then, I'll love you now and forever..

but my sun has taken it's last set..

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
You don't even need to question this.

I'm curious to if I'll still feel this way after a few days.

Waltz Around

Today was pretty cool. School went by REALLY quick... and I didn't fall asleep much in class. I watched double shot at love's finale last night ! Good show. Don't care if it's scripted or not. 'Tis entertaining. After school, Long picked me up and we went to In-N-Out to eat. Then picked up Karen, and then Alanna> I SAW MATTCHUU :) Made me happies. I miss him very much. And then finally to Mary's house for debut practice. Met a few new faces. Practice was really fun. :) I enjoyed myself very much. Robert 'twas my partner for today cos Kevin couldn't come. :( But Robert's good ! He leads me thank gahd. Hahaha. Well yea ! I think we didnt pretty good for a first day..kinda HAHA. Here's what we kinda learned..& what you, Kevin, my friend, must catch up on ! As well as you other gays who couldn't come today. :(

Happy Birthday, Sister !

Well, another day gone by in my life. I'm doing good so far in this 2nd semesterrrr ! Tomorrow we have our first debut practice for Mary. Should be fun. But then my gay partner might not even go. :( STUPID BASKETBALL. But yeaaaaaaaaaaaa ! This is gonna be a short little one today. Not much happened..Uhhhh....I'm kinda excited for what this weekend is gonna bring me, Whatcha thank?

GOOD NIGHT MY BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

Oh &..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATE ILENE, I WUV YOU VEWY MUCH BIG SISTER ! <3
I know we don't say it to each other enough. But you know I love you. & I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, Even when I act like a little bitch sometimes. I thank you for dealing with it and never giving up on me. Thanks for always being something I look up to, someone I admire. I know I'm a brat, but thank for always loving me. Have a great birthday ! :)

23 !

Hello Busy February,

You super packed month ! My word, I'm so busy this month. Full with debut practices and stuff like that. And this weekend, I have my sisters birthday party and cousins baby shower. That should be fun. I'm pretty excited. :) The weekend after that. I want to go to Vegas with favorite, but I think I have to see if I can save myself from grades. Haha. And that's Valentines day weekend. EW. Wtf's a valentine ? Don't think that's existent this year for me ! Anywho. After that weeknd..I'm planning on going to vegas for my cousins debut. That's also Ate alexis's, my sisters, my grandmas birthday weekend & grandpa's death anniversary. >.< AHHH..been a while..I miss you still so much. Okay, Then..the weekend after that. Cousin's birthday celebration thanggg. And im pretty sure we'll be drilling time hard for Mary's debut. That following weekend is her Debut itself. Wow we are on such a tight schedule ! And then that following weekend is my birthday weekend. FUCK, I still don't know what I'm doing. I'm so gay. Someone help me. Hah.

So I'm pretty much jam packed until the weekend of my birthday Which is Mid march. Wtf? -_-; Wehhh. So..I fell asleep in majority of my classes today. Fuck everyone who made fun of me. Haha. History class was never so boring. I actually got my essay done and now I'm going to go shower and back to sleep.

BTW. WOOO LAKERS ! Instead of writing "LAKERS" on my hand every game day, it's gonna say "BYNUM" until he comes back. :( FUCK, I'm so scared, we're really going to need him at some point. >.< He was doing so well ! It's okay, Kobss. Try not to feel too bad. :( Poor baby, didja see his face? He looked like he wanted to cry. It was so cute. HAHA I'm gay. Uh, 8 weeks minimum, 11 weeks maximum without Bynum..which could even mean the rest of the season..because I did the math..with 8 weeks out..and about 4 games a week..thats like 32 games which is pretty much the rest of the season. :( WEHHHHHH, poor baby. It's okay. Just pray ! Btw Kobe baby ! 61 ! Thas my boyyyyyy ! <33

Just Sometimes..

Sometimes, just sometimes. I wish I hadn't done all the things I did, said all the things I said..all that good stuff. I love how we have a relationship that only you and me understand. But damn, sometimes.. I lose track of what's going on too. Do you? I find myself getting caught up..and then remembering, & pulling myself back into reality. If it weren't for all those damn certain times together..I don't know what would be holding me back. What am I saying? There's so much more than those memories to keep me with you. The length, itself, of this is pretty self-explanatory. I don't know what I'm doing & I don't know where I'm going. I'm literally drowning in your pool, waiting for my breathe to have it's sigh of relief. All I needa know is that I'm not wasting my time. Please don't tell me I am. Because like I've said. I'd do anything for you.

& You have nothing to worry about, I promised already.






Damn, I'm in this shit deep, dawg.
Waay deep..



&btw kids,
Don't worry. You're probabaly thinking completely incorrectly of what this really is. Seriously. Hahaha.