I had a good day yesterday. (:
Trio finally got all their costumes done and then I hung out with some jerk. But a really sweet jerk.
Thanks for the guavas, B :) Hehe.

HALLOWEEEN IS LOOKIN GOOODD RIGHT NOW.
I'm excited for the weekend, wee !

I wrote you a really long letter..
but I didn't have the balls to send it.

show me you caree..

can you just please, please prove to me you're worth it this time?

I'm trying so hard to stop myself from caring about you so much, but I can't help it.
cos everywhere I turn you're there. No one would be happy to hear you're back. I still don't feel like you really care about me.. Ahhhhhhh, I'm lost and confused. Till I know you're ready to take me, and hold me and only me. Then I'll give you the best of me. The best you'll ever have.

but..
YOU
ARE
SO
CUTE

Part of me, part of you

Part of me wants to find the right words to hurt you..the same way you hurt me. But the other part of me still cares about you. As much as I may not show it. I'm not that much of a bitch. You're still alive in my world. & with as much hate I honestly have towards you, I would never want you to feel the goddamn pain I'm dealing with every single day. Even tho you're the reason, you're the one who caused it.

TO MY COURTT:

I'll be sending individual comments on thursdays like I always do but just in case;

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come on Friday.Consider it MANDATORY.
Our plan is to start to waltz and EVERYONE needs to be present in order to begin.
DON'T LEAVE YOUR PARTNER HANGINGG.
Ladies; BRING YOUR HEELS !
You wanna get used to dancing in 'em cos it gets difficult.

& try NOT to be late. I wanna start promptly at 4.
Don't be gay. -__-;

If you're not gonna be able to make it, LET ME KNOW. ASAP.
You can text Anthony or Jazmyn too, if you want.

hideout st.

I can't really put a finger on why I'm in such a lowkey bad mood lately..
Insomnia's really starting to kick in and those times when your heart is super heavy..oh my, I need a pick up. I don't want to let myself even think it's YOU that's bringing me down. I don't know..It can't be hitting me just now. I don't need you..

..but I'm not happy..
It's starting to hurt..

dammit.

Haha, You're gonna get bored, baby. Watch.

I'm not gonna try to hang out with you anymore. I've done my part and apparently you're life is too fckin busy for me. So I quit. Forget it ! Jerk..

It seems to be the hardest thing to find.
Damn, what's wrong with me ! -_-;

I wish I had the mind of a player. A players mentality..
How do you assholes do it, man..
Not care. Shaysh, teach me your ways.

On a brighter note..

I had a good friday :) Practice went well..
Tricia's dance is reallly gooodd. Mama likey.
Next Practice is next friday !

After practice we went to Russ's then to Julies. 'Twas very fun. I love Trio.
& no matter how much FAMbamz bags, they know they love us. :)
Buahaha.

Didn't go home last night tho..cosa someoneeeee !
But it's cool. Like always, I had fun.

I'm drained to go out tonight, so I'll be home.



Thank you for making me feel good once again.
Missed ya, b.

Just HAD to say..

If you're talking to ME about karma you better check yourself, sweetheart.


..better yet if you're talking anyone about karma...you STILL needa check yourself.

saying you don't give a fuck anymore.
The fuck? Since when did I give a fuck about you giving a fuck ?

wcg

I miss you. I know I haven't been there. I know I've changed a lot. I know you guys prolly hate me now. If not hate me, you just..don't really care about me anymore. But honestly, I just felt really..left out. And I felt like you guys didn't really WANT me there, that I bugged you, or..whatever. That's why I haven't been around, besides the fact that you guys are doing your own thing and it doesn't cross your mind to invite me anymore cos we all know it's just the way it is now.. and I understand completely..but I guess its all the times I missed out on with the inside jokes I wasn't there for. If I could make 'em up, I would. but we know it's too late for that. Individually I can catch up with you guys, but together we know it's not to same anymore. I'm happy you guys are still standing strong. I swear it puts me in the awkwardest position when people asked what happened to us. But I want you guys to know I miss you. and I'm sorry for anything I did wrong. I hope there aren't any hard feelings between us. Cos that'd be the last thing I want in this situation. Really tho, I'm still here if either of you guys need anything. Promise. <3

Who's really there? Who's really staying ? Who's really gonna care?

Once in a blue moon..that likes to cross my mind. Like I would wish something bad happened just so I can see who's gonna be there. That sounds ridiculous tho. *knocks on wood* But God forbid, if I were to die today, and we ended it like this..not talking. Angry with each other because of something absolutely stupid.. How would you feel ? How do you think I would feel? If you think I don't care about you. I want you to rethink that. Days like this, with people like you, treating me like this..hmm, I'm tryna explain it in words..but ..hmm..basically.. It sucks. Plain and simple. Don't you understand how sorry I am? I wish more than anything we can do the label we were given..not the label we made. I miss you guys, I do..

Mama likee..

Well I liked how you stopped for me.
I like how you promise things to me.
I like how you say you won't lie to me.
I like this weird thing we have going on that only you and I understand.. :)

..I like you.
as much as I don't want to.

I forgot

I forgot how it feels.

How it makes my heart literally crumble out of nervousness. How it feels for my cheeks to ache from him making me smile so much. How it feels to reread my text messages over and over with the sweet things he says. I don't remember the last time I was excited to see him.. when I would keep looking back at the door to see him walk through. or constantly glancing at the street to see if he would pull up the driveway. I forgot how it feels to WANT to stay home just so I could talk to him. or how it feels to worry about him being out w/o me cos some other bitch is tryna get some. Or, or..how it feels to smile cos every love song related to us. & I wouldn't even WANT to listen to any heartbreak bullshit cos it didn't even sound good if it doesn't relate.

I've been playing on this field so long I'm getting tired or running the same bases everyday. Officially am I not talking to anyone, nor do I have feelings for anyone. I've tried plenty of times to find him, but he's ina hiding spot that's difficult for me to find with juts my own two eyes. It gets lonely after awhile, my two best friends both have someone. So it gets eery when they both have someone to talk about. While I wish I could have someone to complain about, but instead I'm just helping with advice. Not trying to bitch. Just saying, it would feel so great to be able to go home and tell someone about my day, or how much I miss him, or just to stay on the phone with absolutely silent, but still enjoying the company of them on the phone.

But as wisemen once said, good things come to those who wait..

It's only a matter of time, that I find that good, great, amazing person.

Lately

Man, I'm failing government. HELP. I hate that class. :(
Everything else is A-okay tho.

Weeeeeeehh. Yesterday went to some "practice" for my debut. Haha. -_-; then to the nogales burgers session until like 11:30. Shit went on forever but there were a lot of heads. Afterwards we went to Kirsties and kicked ittt. 'Twas fun. Watched fast & the furious..or the 2nd one Idk, but it was fun. I had fun. The end, bye ! :)

busy bee ! Family and debut stuff are my main concern right now.

me & jaz went jobhunting yesterday..hopefully ONE of 'em pulls through. :/
BUT YAAA, I hope this weekend goes well. Pls pls pls!
No homecoming for me, fine with me.
Trio's not going so I'm not missing out on anything. dgaff.
Oh and uhhhhhhhhhhh......

You're cute, but I don't wanna risk ruining anythingg.

One year

dgaf ahhaha

Pursuit of Happyness

This is getting harder and harder every fuckin day..

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I promise things are gonna get better. Money is only an issue only if we make it one. But we're gonna move past this..We don't need any of this.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't gonna be gold.
I'll be fine once I get it; I'll be good.

Really tho..


I miss you guys.

"I don't know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we've been and what we've been through."

PROJECT: Debut

First practice was successful. Thanks to everyone for coming. Sorry if I got all mean and yell-y. But you assholes weren't doing anything -_-; Hah. But anywayy. We actually got stuff done. When everyone left we worked on formations. It's gonna be difficult for a few people...including me, but we'll get it done ! 5 months is gonna fly by super quick guys.

Next practice is Oct 16. Same time, same place.
Git wid it.
THIS TIME, Bring clothes you can dance in. Not tight ass jeans or short skirts and dresses. Hahah.

See you all there.

Whenever you kiss him, can't you taste me inside his mouth?


..&when you're laying in his bed doing we all know what,
canya smell me in his sheets?

You have no idea how much hatred I have towards you.

I, myself, am amazed.