July 20, 2009

Lately, I can't believe how vulnerable I've been. I feel like at any moment, I'm about to crack. Bottling up everything I've been hurting. Because I figured..it's not the best way to fix things. but the best way to avoid them, and eventually forget about. I've been trying to keep myself busy, going out every day, literally. I don't know why I've been breaking down so randomly, but I guess it's only about a matter of time till things are looking on the brighter side again. Oh, and hey, I'm gonna be honest. I wish I never got involved with you, because of you..my reputation just got even worst. Being talked shit on and dawged by people I don't even know, wait wait.. OLDER people I don't even know the names of. I just hope you get your shit together. I'm happy your happy tho. That's my main concern. I really wish I had someone to fall back on right now. At this time, with what I'm going through.. it'd be pretty cool to have someone to tell me everything's gonna be okay. Someone to take care of me and even give me a place to stay sometimes. You were supposed to be that person. Then I don't know what happened. What happened to the guy I met that night in May? The one that gave me 100% attention like I wanted? No idea, but that's just another one of the things I'll never understand in this life. No, no, not just you. But every other guy out there. There'd be times where I need time for myself. Like literally, just hours alone. No computer, no phone, no nothing. Just me. In my room, thinking to myself. I haven't had a time like that in a month. I'm always surrounded by people now. But hey, at least they're people I love. People that care about me. But sometimes, even the people that love you the most you need a break from. Like I always tell myself, in the end..it's just me. I'm gonna be the only one to hold myself up. So I got this, right? I'm gonna be okay..gonna get through this like I always do..

I think.