April 26 09

Well I don't think I can stress the fact more than I love that my mother is back in California. I feel like this weekend...helped me get away from everything I wanted to get away from and just settle down and chill. Ya already know ya made my weekend, boo. But honestly..and oddly enough, I have no idea what I'm feeling ! I KNOW what I'm thinking..but I have no idea what I'm feeling. Would someone like to tell me? That'd be amazingly helpful. Wouldn't it? Like if there was someone else to make your decisions for you..the one's you never wanted to make. So that way..when the person has made your decision for you..all the people you've affect beyond that decision..you can blame it on the the fagget that choose for you. Wtf? Am I okay? Prolly not, I have come to a conclusion to why I haven't given up and pulled out my white flag to wave:

I'm content, but I'm not the happiest.
I'm scared, but I'm not terrified.
I'm confused, but I'm not going crazy.
I'm working, but I'm not trying my hardest.
I'm tired, but I'm not exhausted.
I'm in pain, but I'm not dying.
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

If you wanna wave my white flag for me to surrender, DO IT. Cos I don't think it's even possible for me to do it on my own. I've come so close to doing it..but all in all, I know I'm never going to..and why is that? Because I don't want to ! To do something, you're either forced to or want to. I'll tell you now the only reason I'm doing this is because I want to. It's not like you're not making it easy for me tho. Hahahahahaha. I was so fuckin sure too, like a retard..but WTF, it's like impossible. I needa stand my ground but until the time comes, this earthquake is absoutely ridiculous.


Wow, for those of you crazies who actually read this bullshit. Why? You have no idea what I'm even talking about. I just like to vent. Hope you don't mind.

WHAT'S NEXT? COS I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FUCKIN' CRAZY THIS ROLLERCOASTER IS.